Job jokes

I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.

Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?

His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!

When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.

Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.

Why was the barber mad because I gave him a buzzcut?

Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?

I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

Yo mama is so fat, when she was a spy, she was called "double obese."

The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.

Am I doing my work? Because typing this took lots of work.

1: Hey.

2: What?

1: We're outta paint.

2: *HMM*

(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)

Are you fin-ished with your work?

I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.

The toughest job I ever had was when I was selling doors, door-to-door.

My sister lost two things today:

1: Her virginity.

2: Her job at the zoo.

Do you know how to make a plumber cry?

Kill his family.

It's gonna take a step stool to get a blow job.

I got to work.

Ben: Oh no, my boss is here. I hate my job and I'm terrified of my boss.

Ben: Uh, hey, hey Mr. Boss.

Boss: Have a nice day.

Ben: Ok, bye!

Boss:??