Jesus jokes

Jesus got rejected. A few years later he died. He came back just to lose his virginity because even Jesus is not a fucking cunt.

Get off this site and go have some sex, you fucking virgins.

Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!

If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?

Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.

Have you seen my uncle?

Jesus: I have.

God: Me too.

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

When God make white people he said, "FUCK I'M OUT OF PAINT!"

When did Jesus die?

On Luan Day hahahahahahahahahahahahaha LOUD HOUSE wink wink.

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...

I think Jesus is broken.

Why did the penguin pull out a tooth? It was Mexican.

What does Amogus and Jesus have in common?

They're sus.

If you're a crucified savior, clap your hands.

Jesus was a carpenter who got nailed to a piece of wood.

Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question.

Johnny: What?

Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty?

Johnny: Yes ofc jesus made everybody wonderfully!

Ex: Awhh!

Johnny: But whoever made you was painting Thomas the Train while making your face.

Oh, fuckshit, bitch, damn cocksucker.

Pussy, asshole, cunt.

Mother fuckin' dirty whore, shat onto my lunch.

Pisscunt, damn bitch, suck my dick.

Jesus Harold Christ!

Shit bitch, cocksucker, Goddamn motherfucker, pussy, asshole cunt!

You: Did you get the new snoo subscription?

Other: What's snoo?

You: Not much, how 'bout you?

I have one policy, and that is to not make fun of black people.

Sorry, Jesus. You were white in the Bible pictures.

Jesus stinks so bad he killed all living things in Heaven.