Jesus jokes
"F***, Jesus ate his stinky ass."
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
I have one policy, and that is to not make fun of black people.
Sorry, Jesus. You were white in the Bible pictures.
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
God is fake.
Why did the sun go to church?
Because it needs Jesus.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
What is hell to you?
Jesus!!!!!
He is everywhere taking our time and energy and our lives for his entertainment.
But Judgment Day is his eternal hell!
And our Eternal Heaven!!
Why that Nun didn't like Virgin Mary?
Because she was straight into Jesus.
Jesus.
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.
Jesus is gay, and God is transgender.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.
Why does Jesus hate Skittles?
Because they fall through his hands.
Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa Claus!
What is God’s favorite candy?
Jesus Pieces.
Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Your family.