Jesus Jokes

I have one policy and that is to not make fun of black people. Sorry jesus. You were white in the bible pictures.

Why can jesus walk on water Because rubbish floats

What’s the difference between jesus and a plank of wood?

A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming

of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! he obviously liked being nailed!

knock knock who's there lemon haha hahahah hahahahaah

Cheesus hates me yeah I know cause he's a real douchelord fictional character

Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?

For the same reason a ship won't stay afloat with holes in the bottom.

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

guys this is so disrepctful i love jesus. i go to church every tuesday morning to give jesus a .... giffffffft so disrepctful guys #jesusismyhubby

What is Jesus' favorite band?

Nine Inch Nails.

Holly shit there's so many yo mama jokes Heres mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the twin towers Yo mama so old that she has jesus's autograph Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her Yo mama so dumb that she thought rocket league was a competition between kids in wheelchairs

Why was Jesus Christ cut from the hockey team? He kept getting nailed to the boards

these are all of my terrible jokes

Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright but the reception was amazing A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said "I'll serve you but don't start anything A dyslexic man walks into a bra Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says "does this taste funny to you, I'm joking of course" Dejamoo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor "I can't feel my legs" the doctor said " I know, I AMPUTATED YOUR ARMS" I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle What do you call a fish with no eyes, a fsh Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says "dam" A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out of a "small medium at large" A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says "a beer please,and one for the road" Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent YO MAMA SO FAT THAT she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh A priest a rabbi and a cleric walk into a bar, the cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens. What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint. I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, how far do you think I can kick this bucket A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart Why didn't Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico What's green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels WERE A LIE. What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck Why couldn't the dinosaur break the wall, I don't know. I'm asking you Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker, she has dementia There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It's an owl it can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey