ik ive changed my name from tj to selfish king but know its gunna be selfishking#781
GOOD MORNING USA!!!! I GOT A FEELING THAT IVE SEEN A FUCKIN NlGGER TODAY!!!
btw friend here also wants to do suicide
friend:why did i cross the road??? me:to get to the other side. friend:true!
friend:hey lets go hang out at the forest today! me:ok *grabs ropes for the both of us and rushes outside bc this is a lucky day* friend:hey atleast we did it!
friend:whats the best thing about me? me:you will eventually end. friend:hmmmmmm . . . true!
friend:what historical time influenced you the most? me:the great depression
if i could be an object id be glass because im see through and i can shatter with the minimum difficulty immediately!
my parents sometimes say im their sunshine! . . . because im painful if you look at me.
teacher:what does km/s mean? me+like almost all of the class:*in unison* it means kill myself but misspelled
friend:whats the best way to end a game? me:with death friend: . . . hmmm now that you think about it yeah! thats the best way!
when your about to jump down a cliff but you realize that you cant litter there
google says that your about 75% water but im make of 101% depression 101% anxiety 101% suicidal 101% stress
brain be like will_to_live.exe, happiness.exe, and many more others not found also you have now got crippling_depression.exe, anxiety.exe, suicide_thoughts.exe, suicide_attempts, and stressful_life.exe so so so much many more
how do you keep weeds away? just put a bucket of crippling depression and suicidal thought and attempts in the soil and then they just kill themselves. problem solved.
when you take antidepressants but they dont work it will just make you more depressed and thats a fact
a bored depressed suicidal person:*sees a dying person* dying person:p-l-pls c-c-c-call m-me a-an amb-b-bulancccee *wheeze* *dies* bored depressed suicidal person:hmmmm ur an ambulance dying person:*manages to get back up* bored depressed suicidal person:oooooohh goddddd dying person:*in a demonic tone* BUT NOT FOR ME~
roses are red inside im dead i have crippling depression some one pls shoot my head
when you finally open up to a person who you think will care and understand but it turns out that they dont you:*panickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanicking*
the only time you should lift your spirits up is when your gonna hang yourself
a made up story starting now so i went to school as usual theres a school shooting all the depressed suicidal people:*crave death* *walks up to shooter* all say KILL ME a made up story starting ending
in this one the friend isnt suicidal friend:wanna play a game? me:life wait no a game has a meaning friend: . . . *crickets* friend:calls suicide hotline me:wait no!!!!!
me:*has crippling depression* *asks mom why i was born* mom:hmmm i think i was drunk and on a lotta drugs me:hmmm tysm *gets the rope* mom:*making hanging puns* me:*hurries to the trash truck*
me:at this point ive lived about a decade depressed and suicidal that i dont struggle with it now, im good at it and its all normal
hope you enjoyed
You here about the roman numeral hospital
All they have is IVs!
[ when a cop meets a pothead on April 20th ]
Officer : Hi, how high are you?
Pothead : No officer, it's how are you
Officer : oh im sorry ive been high since last night
Pothead : cool, i'd like to give you sum weed, happy 420 sir
Officer : omg thx man appreciate that
My indian wife said last night if her fanny would taste like vindaloo curry, i said ive smelt your fucking armpits youve got no chance
The school shotter when the cops show up be like:
Aint nothing gunna break my stride, aint nothing gunna hold me down. Oh oh. Ive got to keep on moving.
once i told a abortion joke and this woman was like ̈ive had abortion thats offensive ̈ and i was like ̈i just tell jokes i think what you do is much worse ̈
ive benin there im ghana go ive got togo
dear doctor
ive heard its a good sign when women scream your first name during sex but recently women have been screaming my full name. its weird, i feel like im famous. Can you tell me what this means?
Yours Truly Ray Palp
alirght im gonna drink the lo- carb one to see how it compares to the normal monster. holy shit it tastes just like the original one. theres like a weird afer taste though. kinda like a sparkling water one. i love monster ive drank about 5 cans already
ive done a skeleTON of work to think of this joke. trust me ive got a feumer jokes
Ive been sad recently the twin towers arnt round so i made the conclusion of a time machine to watch it again
IVE HEARD STORIES OF MY MOTHER SHE WAS A TEENAGER AND LEFT ME IN THE BLENDER BUT LUCKILY THE POWER CUT OUT LIKE AT THE ORPAHNAGE
asian conversation: Person 1: Ni how's it going? Person 2: konnichi what's up? Person 1: ive bing chilin
As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered him beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer” DAMN YOU PESSI
wat did te skeleton say to te oter skeleton ive ot a bone to pick wit you
tat was a real rib tickler ive ot a skeleTON more of te skelePUNS
we have been cursed by curse-ive.
alr ALYA and drew ALYA's boyfriend!! have a good fucking life, i hardly even think drew is real but uk whatever ive passed on but DREW if u fucking wanna beaf ill fight u bro, ur prob a stick, im fucking doing push ups 4 times a week 100 each.
101 pedo jokes whys everything x2, need to get this shit dick off before the coppers come, its called women taking advantage, youl shit the bitcoin, 90% percent of pedo's who dont admit there like kids blame the police, shit your kappas, you only want my veins why dont you inject me with smack, run in with ya black armbands, ive been sized for a million pound, stop giving me strain asking questions, i know whats going to happen next, bet the judge is a women, jelous coz your drink tastes like shit?, is it coz your shit though?, how many bids have you done?, shit 1million views, dont try bribe me, did the police give me snip?, hows my barbie doll or shall i say my little pony? the police beat fuck outta me, whats all these needle marks on my arm, i can tell you want something, whys everything like one big cycle, police own the dark web,
keep it going on lol
