Ives Jokes

girl: daddy ive been a bad girl priest: for the last time its father I have sinned

So Johnny was working at a deli, a woman walks up and asks, do you have any salad? Johnny says no, she asks? What about carrots? Again Johnny says no, she says what about bananas? Johnny says "tell ya what, spell out "lad" in salad" she spells L A D, Johnny replies "spell "rot" in carrot" she spells R O T, Johnny says "now spell "fuck" in vegetables or fruits" she says "there is no fuck in vegetables or fruits" Johnny exclaims "thats what ive been trying to tell you!"

Quiet kid: "I'm home!" Parents: "What did you learn at school today?" Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"

Rey: Join me Ben you don't have to be alone anymore, join me. Ben: But Rey, Ive always been solo.

Ive been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, bu i couldn't see any

Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW

Someone: PLEASE EAT I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE *Me tryna remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because ive already googled it and given up because it takes too long* Me: Na yeah I still have 19 days left

teacher * take a seat class * wheelchair person * ive been in the seat*

jamal- dads CAN grow on trees joseph

joseph- no they dont

jamal- yes they do. ive seen it

joseph- ...... thanks not what you thought it was

hoes be like ive been through a lot no alots been through you

Hi! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Ive been so busy!!!! I miss yall though!

says Alex stokes Kat Ive Seen you eat Many food

I saw a news ad on tv about a dad coming home after getting milk i said "ive never seen that one before"

i remember last year all these biches called me lame so i stoped the simping and pretended i was gay, now i think theyre all fucking with me. im an L G B T Q imposter got cut last year know ive made the roster and you may think im a monester. im just just tryna see some titties.

I told a Seal a joke it went like "Why did the kid cross the playground" he said "why?" I said "To get to the other slide" and then he said "thats the sealiest thing Ive ever heard"

*The doctor asking why Ive broken 19 bones in the past week*

*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*

well what am i gonna do now...

1 time i went to high five some one ive been left hanging ever since

Here are some skeleton jokes You know the average person tries to hard and works himself to the bone If that joke didn't tickle your funny bone i can give you a real humerous joke I used to play the trumpet now i play the xylo-bone im always happy nothing gets under my skin I made you some turkey for lunch Bone appetit Im glad i had you im no longer bonely Ive got a skele-ton of more jokes but i'm just giving you one more Did you hear about the skeleton ninja he was very skullful (skillful)