it's jokes

A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"

What's the a simulation between a penis and a Rubik's cube?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."

My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.

It's better to cum in the sink than to sink in the cum.

Q: What do you call it when four Mexicans drown in quicksand?

A: Cuatro Cinco.

I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.

I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.

So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it was stuck in a crack.

If Donald Trump is running against Bill Clinton, it's safe to say that we are witnessing the Lolita Express Erections...oops, I mean Elections.

What do food and dark humor have in common? Some people don’t get it.

Billy: *spits out food*

Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.

Dad: *looks at mom*

Mom: Shut up.

If you get it, you get it.

There is a thin line between death and life!

You won't live to see it.....

The Cardiogram will!!

Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Wanna go ride a bike?

I don't have luck with other angels.

So I just WING IT!

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.

How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it.

Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?

It's OK, he didn't either!

I wish my lawn was emo. Then it would cut itself.