it's jokes
Q: What do you call it when four Mexicans drown in quicksand?
A: Cuatro Cinco.
I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.
So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was stuck in a crack.
I hate the term feminazi. It is offensive to real Nazis.
I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.
What do food and dark humor have in common? Some people don’t get it.
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
I don't have luck with other angels.
So I just WING IT!
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it.
What's funny about sex? I don't get it!
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
I wish my lawn was emo. Then it would cut itself.
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK, he didn't either!
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?