it's jokes

If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole, it's called a "brojob", but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole, it's still called a "brojob". Does it cycle now?

A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.

“Super Power Beer,” he says.

“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”

Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.

“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.

Splat.

The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”

My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."

When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.

It's funny that everyone is depressed, like, I mean:

Bullys are depressed.

Nerds are depressed.

Bad girls/boys are depressed.

Kind humans are depressed.

Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.

How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stopped the emo.

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it.

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.

I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.

What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.

Little Johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later, his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it, he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off.

"What was that, Dad?" asked lil Johnny. "Oh, just a bug," said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face, he then says, "That bug sure had a big dick, didn't he?"

I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"