Isnt jokes
If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, does that mean your pants are tucked into your shirt?
Isn't there a software company named after your dick?
Microsoft?
Me: Wanna hear a joke?
Person: Sure.
Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.
Person: Dear God...
This isn't a joke, just an American back-to-school list.
1. Pencils
2. Binders
3. Paper
4. Pencil sharpener.
What, did you think I was going to make a school shooter joke?
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
What do you call a house that isn't a house?
Not a house.
Maybe the reason there isn't any physical evidence is because it didn't happen.
Why isn’t the word “orphan” spelled with an “f” instead of “ph?” Because that “f” stands for “family,” and the word “orphan” doesn’t have a family.
Why is it wrong to put a beef or turkey patty in a burger?
'Cause it's a ham-burger, isn't it?
Some kid: Hey, did you know there's an orphanage down the street?!
Me: NO WAY! Wanna check it out?
Kid: NO, IT'S HAUNTED!!
Me: Haunted my ass, let's go!
Kid: Wait, isn't your house also haunted???
Me: Yea
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
When is a car not a car?
When it's a house.
Rape isn't a joke.
It's a type of way of making friends and to mate with other women.
It's a way of art, and works on anybody!
Like this if you agree.
J0K35 (me): So I heard China recently released a snack.
Guy: Oh, what is it?
J0K35: They call it the Asian Raisin.
Guy: Isn't that what RiceGum was when he released Frick da police?
Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.
What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?
Panera fed.
Credit to RogueRobot for this one:
What does Panera sleep in?
Panera bed.
It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.
But hay! It's in my jeans!
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"