Isnt jokes
This isn't a joke; I just want to spread awareness of anatidaephobia.
Say "joke" 5 times.
Oh, nothing happened.
This isn't a joke but...
GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!
Roses are red. The sun isn't shining. My mental state is rapidly declining.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
"This isn't ketchup."
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.
His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"
"Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"
Isn't having depersonalization mean that you like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?
(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)
What happens when a pun isn’t funny?
It gets PUNished.
COBRA GRINDSET OF THE DAY: Depression isn't real. You feel sad, you move on.
You will always be depressed if your life is depressing. Change it, bitch!
Hitler isn’t really a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler himself.
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
Q: What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
A: A Lamborghini isn't a very fun hobby.
What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?
One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.
A family of three, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom.
“You’re right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son.
“The lie isn’t that you’re adopted,” says the dad.
Why are orphans sad when playing Roblox?
There isn't any parents on Roblox.
Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.
My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!
Why isn't Stephen Hawking going to heaven?
Because he's British.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)