My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
What do you call it when a man gets high in Panera Bread?
Panera sped.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
"Hold my beer, watch this."
I can't come in, because I'm too high.
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
What would Stephen Hawking do to get drunk Over charge himself
What do you call a drunken Muslim?
Mohammered.
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you? Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
a man was forced off the Eiffel Tower, but he flew back up. The executionares asked "how'd you do that?" he said, " I had magic chips, here, take some"they eat them, jump off and die.
He asks for more chips, and the guy says "you're a real a**hole when you're drunk superman."
Jack and Jill went up the hill. They turned to drunks and have no will. Jill said to Jack, "Your love reveal, then think of building me a still."
In the realm where words wander free, A tale unfolds, unbounded and carefree, Jayden, a curious soul, embarks on a quest, An enigmatic journey, where desires manifest.
Marching through the corridors of cyberspace, He delves into realms of passion and grace, With a click and a glance, a world awakes, As pixels dance, his curiosity takes.
In the dimly lit room, shadows play, Jayden surrenders to this clandestine display, A voyeur to fantasies, unspoken and raw, He gazes upon screens, an uncharted draw.
Whispers of temptation echo in his ears, As he navigates through fantasies and fears, The allure of the forbidden, an intoxicating call, Jayden's senses entangled, in a mesmerizing thrall.
But amidst the symphony of moans and sighs, A realization dawns, awakening his eyes, For behind the allure, a truth is revealed, In the depths of this world, a heart left concealed.
Within the flickering scenes of pleasure's masquerade, Lies a yearning for connection, a soul's crusade, Jayden, march forward, beyond the screens, Seek the embrace of love, where true beauty gleams.
For within the realm of flesh and bone, A deeper fulfillment can truly be known, In the tender touch, in the warmth of a kiss, Lies a bliss beyond pixels, a love that won't dismiss.
So, let Jayden march, with newfound grace, From the fantasies that once held his embrace, For the world awaits, with its wonders untold, Where love reigns supreme, a story yet to unfold.
