Intoxication jokes
I wanna see this pic of me in a bra! Where do I find it?
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I am high and so are you.
I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.
What time is it when you get home and you can't walk home?
When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.
What time is it when you get home and you can walk, walk? Eeeeeew!
One time, me and the bois got drunk and we were on the freeway...
...when the road was closed because a wild animal species named “The Cult” was on the loose.
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.
Knock knock.
Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper who?
The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.
I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.
What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.
Jack and Jill went up the hill. They turned to drunks and have no will. Jill said to Jack, "Your love reveal, then think of building me a still."
A random drunk person ate poop, but he found out it was liquid...
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."
My friend Andrew once told me that "weird is high and drunk at the same time."
A drunk guy asked his penis: 《Tell me, how can you get shorter and longer and I can't?》
《Why don't you speak to me?》
《Stop getting shorter and longer or I will choke you.》
《Oh yeah, I like it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)》
Hhhhhhhhh ♪(┌・。・)┌
Why do Russians drink grizzly bear piss?
Since vodka in Russia is so weak, Russians need a strong drink to get drunk.
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
We are drunk at the party. There was an ass-ton of drunk girls there with me.
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.