Intimacy jokes
She be hubba on my bubba till I gum.
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
I want a relationship.
*Masturbates*
I don't want a relationship.
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
when she says its her first time by u feel the presence of the past dihs inside her
There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.
Sam and Amya like anal sex with each other.
Like if you wanna have sex.
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay.
He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Hoes be like, "I've been through a lot."
No, a lot's been through you.
What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
Say "I'm a man" after every sentence.
You walk into a bar. (I'm a man.) You find a girl. (I'm a man.) You take her home. (I'm a man.) She whispers in your ear. (I'm a man.)
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.