Say "I'm a man" after every sentence.
You walk into a bar. (I'm a man.) You find a girl. (I'm a man.) You take her home. (I'm a man.) She whispers in your ear. (I'm a man.)
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.
Like if you wanna have sex.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.
Can't be bothered with jokes, me and Syd Drake f**k 24/7.
If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.
Do you work at Subway? Because you turn my 6 inch into a footlong.
The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.
My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.
Sam and Amya like anal sex with each other.
