Intimacy jokes
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.
Sam and Amya like anal sex with each other.
Like if you wanna have sex.
Memes
when she says its her first time by u feel the presence of the past dihs inside her
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay.
He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
Hoes be like, "I've been through a lot."
No, a lot's been through you.
Say "I'm a man" after every sentence.
You walk into a bar. (I'm a man.) You find a girl. (I'm a man.) You take her home. (I'm a man.) She whispers in your ear. (I'm a man.)
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.
What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.
If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
Can't be bothered with jokes, me and Syd Drake f**k 24/7.
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
I want a relationship.
*Masturbates*
I don't want a relationship.
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.