Intimacy jokes
Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.
Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
"Lemme clap your girl's booty cheeks, daddy papi."
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.
Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"
If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
What is similar between sex and fishing?
It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
How is smoking similar to oral sex?
The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
My sex life.
Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.