Intimacy jokes
If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
What is similar between sex and fishing?
It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
Memes
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
How is smoking similar to oral sex?
The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
My sex life.
Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
She be hubba on my bubba till I gum.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.