Intimacy jokes
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.
What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
"Lemme clap your girl's booty cheeks, daddy papi."
Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.
Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"
If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
What is similar between sex and fishing?
It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
How is smoking similar to oral sex?
The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢
My sex life.
Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."