Intimacy jokes
Little Johnny tried phone sex, but the holes were too small.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
Leave a like if you like sex and porn, and talk to me if you have any questions.
What does the penis say to the condom? "Cover me I'm going inside."
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
Memes
What's funny about sex? I don't get it!
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
Just give him a smooch it’s better than the cooch - Dream
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
What's the best thing about a blowjob?
- The silence.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.
Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.