Intimacy jokes
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
Leave a like if you like sex and porn, and talk to me if you have any questions.
What does the penis say to the condom? "Cover me I'm going inside."
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
What's funny about sex? I don't get it!
Memes
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
Just give him a smooch it’s better than the cooch - Dream
What's the best thing about a blowjob?
- The silence.
Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:
"I’m here for the new position?"
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.