Intimacy jokes
I tried to have phone sex once.
But the holes were too small.
Friend: Do you know him?
Other Friend: Know who?
Friend: My dick!
Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
Random couple after their first night:
Husband: It was very tasty. 🥵
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: Does anyone had taste it before?
Wife: ☠️
What is the worst thing about licking a bald fanny?
Putting the nappy on afterwards.
The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰
A condom!
She said she was hungry. So I fucked her in the ass and gave her a chili dog.
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"
"Oh, honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.
So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" The sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"
Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.
Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
Do you like Imagine Dragons?
Imagine draggin' my balls on your face.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"
I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.
Are you a haunted house?
Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.
How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."