Intimacy jokes
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
Why'd the rubber go flying across the room?
Because it got pissed off!
Why can’t orphans have sex?
'Cause they have no one to call daddy!
One day Jack and Jill went up a hill. Jack got Jill drunk and horny, then took her to a hotel because Jack wanted to suck and lick her candy stick.
Like if you wanna have sex.
"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."
The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/
If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.
What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
What do trans women bring to lesbian relationships?
Something big and warm 🍆.
She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.
Who ever said "condom?" YES DADDY!
Want to do a titcock dance with me?
What should you do after banging the tightest pussy?..
Just put the diaper on her 😉
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
What is a queef?
Something your mum did in bed last night. 😩😩😩🍑🍑🍑🌬️🌬️🌬️🌪️🌪️🌪️
Daddy, harder!
Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."