Sex sex sex free sex tonight, I mean 666-3629.
I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.
What's the first thing you say in anal sex..... "Holy shit!"
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!
How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
Random couple after their first night:
Husband: It was very tasty. 🥵
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: Does anyone had taste it before?
Wife: ☠️
Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.
Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!
So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.
But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.
After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."
If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.
Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
