Intimacy jokes

A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”

Riley....I...I think I wanna be more than friends.

"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."

What's funny about sex? I don't get it!

What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?

Putting the diaper back on.

Just give him a smooch it’s better than the cooch - Dream

Can't be bothered with jokes, me and Syd Drake f**k 24/7.

How do you suck a dick?

Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.

My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.

I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.

Roses are red, I have a confession:

A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.

What do eating a watermelon, rolling a cigarette, and eating a hippie chick out have in common?

Spit, spit, spit!

How do you turn a cat into a fish?

Tell your girl not to wash down there.

Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?

Boyfriend: My mom taught me.

When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?

What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.

But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.

After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."

What does the penis say to the condom? "Cover me I'm going inside."

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.

POV them: What's one move to get a man motivated in bed?

Her: All you gotta give is that hawk tuah and spit on that thang, you get me?

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”

That's the best I've done so far.