Intimacy jokes

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

Do you work at Subway? Because you turn my 6 inch into a footlong.

The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.

How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

Roses are red.

Grass is green.

I think of you sucking my peen.

Sex sex sex free sex tonight, I mean 666-3629.

Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?

- No more tears.

Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"

I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.

Why does the large dildo not have any friends?

He's a pain in the ass.

What's the first thing you say in anal sex..... "Holy shit!"

Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”