Intimacy

Intimacy Jokes

Sex

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

Rose

Roses are red.

Grass is green.

I think of you sucking my peen.

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  • Condom

    Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"

    Dildo

    Why does the large dildo not have any friends?

    He's a pain in the ass.

    Sex

    Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.

    Girlfriend

    What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

    I don't have a girlfriend.

    Condom

    A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

    Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

    Anal

    Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

    Sex

    My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

    Couple

    Random couple after their first night:

    Husband: It was very tasty. 🥵

    Wife: Aww, thanks.

    Husband: Does anyone had taste it before?

    Wife: ☠️

    Lap

    You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

    Sex

    What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?

    You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

    Sex

    Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

    So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

    Size

    I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.