"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."
Masturbation is better than rough sex.
Friend: Do you know him?
Other Friend: Know who?
Friend: My dick!
Did you know there’s a sex position called “Amazon”? You wait all day and nobody comes.
I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.
Riley....I...I think I wanna be more than friends.
Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?
Her name was Lola.
She was a loner.
At the Copa.
Then I saw her,
And I got a boner.
The next morning,
She couldn't remember if I banged her.
What do eating a watermelon, rolling a cigarette, and eating a hippie chick out have in common?
Spit, spit, spit!
I want to cream, rn.
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The silence.
Want to do a titcock dance with me?
Do you like Imagine Dragons?
Imagine draggin' my balls on your face.
Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.
Guy: Let's drop the soap.
Girl: Let's do it!
What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!
Sorry, cringy joke.
I just had sex...
I think I nailed it!
(Shit joke, I know.)
A fan gave another fan a blowjob.
"Mmmmmmmm, daddy, f*ck me harder. I love you, daddy, mmmm. I luv your cock, mmmm, lick me, lick my clit, daddy!"
