Intimacy jokes

My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!

I suck Cyrus's dick when he is sleeping.

You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.

My girlfriend's name is Candice.

Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D

Why did my mouth say no to butt? Because that would be too much sex.

I bet your hairline goes inside your private part, and your girlfriend can’t even touch it.

Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."

Why can't an orphan have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy."

I tried to have phone sex once.

But the holes were too small.

Daddy, harder!

The only food I want to review is my wife's rear end.

What is the difference between chocolate and sex?

I would rather eat the chocolate first and then make love.

What is sex? You put a sex person in someone’s sex.

How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.

"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."

Masturbation is better than rough sex.

What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!

Sorry, cringy joke.

If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.

Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?

What do eating a watermelon, rolling a cigarette, and eating a hippie chick out have in common?

Spit, spit, spit!