Intimacy jokes

My girl walks in the room in nude mode and sat on my dick. I said, "What up, your pussy?" She said, "Your dick."

This one butt cheek said to the other one, "It's really personal, but it's okay, I'll tell you." It said, "Hey, let's go to my crib so we can smoke a little joint, watch a movie, and go upstairs in the room and get down."

What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.

I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.

Hoes be like, "I've been through a lot."

No, a lot's been through you.

What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I'm home!

TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

Definition of trust: two cannibals having oral sex.

Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.

I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."

Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?

Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?

Tyler: Pineapple

Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.

Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?

Frankie: Right now.

Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?

Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.

Tyler: I thought you never asked.

Why does the large dildo not have any friends?

He's a pain in the ass.

What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.

I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.

My girlfriend asked for a kiss, so I gave her my dick.

Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)

What’s the best thing about a blowjob?

The silence.

Roses are red, balls are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in.

I like the satisfying sounds of your butt being spanked.