Intimacy jokes

I suck Cyrus's dick when he is sleeping.

You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.

My girlfriend's name is Candice.

Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D

Why did my mouth say no to butt? Because that would be too much sex.

I bet your hairline goes inside your private part, and your girlfriend can’t even touch it.

Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."

Why can't an orphan have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy."

I tried to have phone sex once.

But the holes were too small.

Daddy, harder!

The only food I want to review is my wife's rear end.

What is the difference between chocolate and sex?

I would rather eat the chocolate first and then make love.

What is sex? You put a sex person in someone’s sex.

How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.

"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."

Masturbation is better than rough sex.

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.

If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.

If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.

Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?

What do eating a watermelon, rolling a cigarette, and eating a hippie chick out have in common?

Spit, spit, spit!

Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.

Guy: Let's drop the soap.

Girl: Let's do it!