Intending jokes
Video game company names always make me make puns I didn't intend to.
I raped a girl and I liked it.
I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.
It felt so wrong, it felt so right.
Don't mean I'm in love tonight.
What is a ghost's favorite cake?
I scream cake!
I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
It's easy to roast beef.
What does the "f" stand for in orphan?
Family.
A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.
A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.
Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.
"I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."
Named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I can say, โGet down, Syndrome!โ
What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.
Today was a bad day. First, my ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
Why didn't the pirate want to play cards?
Because he was standing on the deck!
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.
How do you organize a space themed birthday party?
You planet.
First human comes.
Sans: That was pun intended.
What did the woman do when the armed police officer raped her?
Freeze.
Why can't orphans walk through doors?
Because they don't have a house to walk into.