Intending jokes
A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.
Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.
"I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
What do you call a shoe made by George Floyd?
The Breath Takers.
I raped a girl and I liked it.
I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.
It felt so wrong, it felt so right.
Don't mean I'm in love tonight.
Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?
A: Because they're intended for a young audience.
What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.
What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.
Why can't orphans walk through doors?
Because they don't have a house to walk into.
Why did the orphans miss most of the basketball games?
They missed the homecoming games.
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
Why are Asians so bad at baseball? ... Because they ate the bat!
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
What does the "f" stand for in orphan?
Family.
How do you organize a space themed birthday party?
You planet.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know? Homework.
What did the woman do when the armed police officer raped her?
Freeze.
Women suck (GET IT?!)
What is a ghost's favorite cake?
I scream cake!