Yo momma so slutty, she did a mukbang video with dicks instead of food.
What is the difference between an orphan and Pokemon?
People choose Pokemon.
My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.
The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"
Why was the rapper bad at baseball?
Because he always dropped the MIC instead of the BAT.
Like if you think Joel was a hero for saving Ellie instead of saving the world.
Yo mama so ugly, when she was cutting onions, the onions cried instead of her.
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
Beating the Akatsuki is easy... Naruto should've used painkillers instead. :)
11/9 is opposite day. The towers fall on the planes instead of 9/11, way.
True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.
Why was the Pakistani bomber angry? Since he got a pepperoni instead of a plain [pizza].
God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.
By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.
I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.
During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.
Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.
An old man saw the TikTok trend of people throwing it back. The old man wanted to do it with his wife. The man set up everything needed and did the video. He threw it back first, then his wife, but instead of an old lady, it was ashes.
Neona (😟): I bet you I'm not going to get that job at all!
Gwen (😌): Yeah well, I believe in you.
Neona (😔): You got the job, and am I still waiting for them to call me and remind me that I will, but I won't get it. Anyway, I need to prepare for a job that I won't get.
Gwen (😠): Neona, you just don't got enough confidence. You got to have confidence in life. I know you will get the job. I do now. Just believe instead of giving up!
Neona (😞): UGH fine!!!
Gwen (😉): I'll see you at that job interview!!!! Put a smile on your face, too!
Neona (😊): Okay...Gwen, you're the best!
All Mia needs to destroy the evil young girl in Resident Evil 7 Biohazard, was using a pedophile instead of serum.
