Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.
The smartest kid in my class says "is-land" instead of "island."
Bro's chin looks like it's from that movie cartoon named Kronk. No wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain, but instead it grew longer.
You mama so ugly, when she was cutting onions the onions cried instead of her.
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!
11/9 is opposite day. The towers fall on the planes instead of 9/11, way.
Like if you think Joel was a hero for saving Ellie instead of saving the world.
Beating the Akatsuki is easy... Naruto should've used painkillers instead. :)
True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.
Why was the Pakistani bomber angry? Since he got a pepperoni instead of a plain [pizza].
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, donโt do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
You know you are from China when you use rice instead of glue.
Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since Iโve been little, Iโve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. โOn the search,โ as they would say.
By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.
I got a pilotโs license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.
During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.
Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, Iโm afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.
How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.
An old man saw the TikTok trend of people throwing it back. The old man wanted to do it with his wife. The man set up everything needed and did the video. He threw it back first, then his wife, but instead of an old lady, it was ashes.
Neona (๐): I bet you I'm not going to get that job at all!
Gwen (๐): Yeah well, I believe in you.
Neona (๐): You got the job, and am I still waiting for them to call me and remind me that I will, but I won't get it. Anyway, I need to prepare for a job that I won't get.
Gwen (๐ ): Neona, you just don't got enough confidence. You got to have confidence in life. I know you will get the job. I do now. Just believe instead of giving up!
Neona (๐): UGH fine!!!
Gwen (๐): I'll see you at that job interview!!!! Put a smile on your face, too!
Neona (๐): Okay...Gwen, you're the best!
All Mia needs to destroy the evil young girl in Resident Evil 7 Biohazard, was using a pedophile instead of serum.
