Replacement jokes
The 1645 service has been cancelled and has been replaced by a replacement bus service.
EasyJet would like to apologise to all of those who are travelling to Greece.
Your mum is so fat, when she slept on the bed, the bed cracked and they had to replace it by a dinosaur.
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.
What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?
They can both be replaced.
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
How do I fix a broken light bulb? I don't. I simply blow up the house.
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.
Son: Where's grandma?
If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.
Since Christopher Reeves can't play Superman, they got a new person: Christopher Walken.
Say "traffic," and replace "r" with "h." It sounds like... that thicc.
I replaced "Jingle Bells" with "Jiggle Balls"... "Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!"
I "onerie," or however you spell it, I like to replace all romance or similar memes with duck memes. Just comment duck memes there and change Valentine's Day to Duck Day. Also, for the joke:
Why did the duck walk up to the lemonade stand?
Because he wanted grapes.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
Stephen Hawking drove too far from the wall and unplugged.
He also forgot to pay the power bill.
If you replaced the boss in Portal with a boy, you would hear Stephen Hawking.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.
As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.
As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.
Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"
How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.