Replacement jokes

Your mum is so fat, when she slept on the bed, the bed cracked and they had to replace it by a dinosaur.

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

The 1645 service has been cancelled and has been replaced by a replacement bus service.

EasyJet would like to apologise to all of those who are travelling to Greece.

How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.

Five little monkeys jumping on a bed.

One fell off and bumped his head. Mamma called Walmart, and Walmart said,

"We will give you a replacement!"

My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,

"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"

I saw a petition on replacing gravestones with trees so it will be a beautiful forest.

Son: Where's grandma?

Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.

A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.

Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."

Guy: "What's the bad news?"

Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."

Guy: "Good news?"

Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."

When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.

How do I fix a broken light bulb? I don't. I simply blow up the house.

I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.

I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!

Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.

What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?

They can both be replaced.

Replace the v in Venus with a p.

What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.

Since Christopher Reeves can't play Superman, they got a new person: Christopher Walken.

If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.

I replaced "Jingle Bells" with "Jiggle Balls"... "Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!"