One man was very depressed cause he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grief. Suddenly with the head rise up he sees Santa Claus walking by. - Santa? he asks. 'Why are you early, it is not even christmas?' - ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Lets worry about you instead' says Santa. What is the problem my friend?' - I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house.' Santa: I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life and i'll give it to you-' Man: My first wish is i want my house back. Santa: Done! Man: My second wish is i want 1 million amount of cash in my bank account. Santa: Done! Man: My third wish is i also want my job back! Santa: Done, but before i actually give you those wishes, I haft to hump you. Man: Okey. Lets do it. So the Santa claus takes of his pants to hump the man. After they are done humping the santa ask the man: -How old are you? Man: I am 35 years old. Santa: And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!
What if the ocean just raided Titanic of its people? Like instead of it flooding, it was raiding it and threatened the passengers if they told so they just said an iceberg flooded the ship.
why were the people in the twin towers upset? they ordered pepperoni pizza but instead they got plane
one day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead I called his parents.
What do you call a cat with two legss instead of four Dead and without use that's what I feel like
It was a important knockout game for Al Nassr š„ I came to Riyad to see my idol Cristiano Ronaldo play, It was my dream for a long time š¤© I took a cab to the stadium but the driver dropped me off at a haunted house instead š As soon as I entered the house I saw a ghostā ļø but the very next moment I realized its my idolo Ronaldo š„³ Thank you Ronaldo for meeting me šā„ļø
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, Iāve bloody suctioned myself to the floor" she said. "Sātruth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "Youāre stuck fast girl. Iāll go across the road and get me mate Cobber." They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we canāt do it!" Cobber said, "So letās try Plan B" "Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "Whatās that?" "Iāll go home and get me hammer and chisel and weāll break the tiles under her" replied Cobber. "Spot on" Bruce said, "While youāre doing that, Iāll stay here and play with her nipples" "Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate" "No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper"
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes
What is the difference between an orphan and Pokemon? People choose Pokemon instead
The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church but instead the birds chirp chirp chirp let's go to church
Bros chin looks like from that movie cartoon named kronk no wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain but instead it grew longer
Lol the twin towers ordered a drop in from Pizza Hut. But instead they got a hot and ready from jets
Why was the rapper bad at baseball?
Because he always dropped the MIC instead of the BAT
