INS jokes
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?
So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."
Why did Oliver have no friends?
His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.
Not a joke?
More like not an existing organism in life.
Joe Mama's so fat, when she goes in the elevator, she has to go down.
In America, mom births you.
In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims. They went through 200 stories.
Why did the orphans have in common? They both don't have parents.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
Yo momma's so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a grocery list in her hand.
I got my son a bike for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair all day crying.
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
What do trannies and jokes about them have in common?
Neither of them get old.
I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.
I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.
What's rap boats got in common with plastic bags? They both a danger to young children.
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.