INS jokes
"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."
Little Johnny walked into his house. He heard a banging sound from up above and decided to investigate. He opened the door to his parents' room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
They say they found water on Mars. Mars 1, Africa 0.
PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
What do you call Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
In Boston we say,
"Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣
What do the Twin Towers and gender have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive topic.
Roses are red, I have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister?
What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?
They are all insane comebacks!!!
What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"
After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.