INS jokes
What do you call two Mexicans in a sleeping bag?
A Twix.
POV: The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.
:me😐
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
The "f" in orphan stands for family.... wait a minute!
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
Why was the rapper always in good shape?
Because he dropped the mic and picked up weights!
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.
What do you call a group of rappers waiting in line?
A rhyme queue.
What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."
What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?
They both hit me face down on the table.
1 like = 1 more child in my fryer.
Person: Hey, do you know what's the best thing in life?
...
You do realize that I said nothing, right?
Me: Exactly :)
What gun isn’t allowed in Africa?
A water gun.
What do pedophiles and guitars have in common?
They both fingered A minor.
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.
The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.
After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.
The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:
"Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."
His friends laugh at the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.
After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.
The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.
The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.
The receptionist responds:
"Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
I have to call Bovfa. What's Bovfa? Bovfa deez nuts fit in your mouth.
What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang off trees.
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.