INS jokes

Farmer

  • After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

    Because he had a ton of sick beets.

  • 1
  • Rape

  • A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.

    Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"

    Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."

    Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"

    Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.

  • 2
  • Girl

  • This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."

  • 2
  • Life

  • Person: Hey, do you know what's the best thing in life?

    ...

    You do realize that I said nothing, right?

    Me: Exactly :)

    Friend

  • Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

    The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

    After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.

    The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:

    "Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."

    His friends laugh at the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.

    After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.

    The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.

    The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.

    The receptionist responds:

    "Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."

  • 1
  • Orphan

  • Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.