INS jokes
I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"
What would you call four Mexicans drowning in a lake?
*Answer: Quatro Cinco*
Me: I must have a mirror in my jeans, 'cause I see you in my pants.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.
Damn, I love being a sniper.
What do emo kids like to do in their spare time?
Hanging out.
If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.
If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.
It isn't any of those if it's suicide.
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower in summer?
"Are you ready for fall?"
The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."
I like penis in my bum!
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
In the bus, you can't spell "black" without "back."
Some of you need to go to church. I don't want you in hell with me.
How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?
Take off the wheels!
Why are all the emos banned from Six Flags?
Because they keep cutting in line.
When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?
What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?
Little boys' pants half off.
A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."
Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."
What would Hitler do if he was in Minecraft?
Mien.