INS jokes
Hi! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been so busy!!!! I miss y'all, though!
I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got excited and asked if I could drive a plane.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?
Two dead babies in an acid bath.
At what speed is the curry going at?
In a hurry to the curry, man!
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
Why did they call off the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.
What do you call an Iraqi swimming in the water?
A bath bomb.
What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?
Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
A new burger has been invented in memory of Stephen Hawking. I doubt it will sell though, as it's 95% cabbage.
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”
Person #2: “No, you can have it.”
Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”
Someone in my class described the KKK as ghosts with pointy hats... I mean, he's not wrong.
Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?
They wanted some family time.
One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words:
"What the fuck is in this drink?"