INS jokes
What's blue and bad for your teeth?
A green brick that's painted blue after the original paint dries (it takes a little while to dry), but after it dries you can paint it and then it will be green. If the brick is green it is called a green brick as it is green (not blue anymore) and it hurts your teeth because brick is a hard material that can damage the bones in your mouth (also known as your teeth).
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
In case of ill rhymes!
If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......
Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga
YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
People in wheelchairs should really stand up for themselves!
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!
Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.
What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?
Panera fed.
Credit to RogueRobot for this one:
What does Panera sleep in?
Panera bed.
What happened to people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki? They swapped races.
When you're in the World Trade Center and you connect to airplane wifi.
Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?
Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.
All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.
The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"
The man said, "My wife does!"
What position would a man with no legs and arms play in baseball?
Home base.
This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!
Your mum is so fat, when she was in front of my apartment, I couldn't get in.
Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!
Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.
If you look up the word "wheelchair" in a dictionary, you will see a picture of Stephen Hawking.
I guess in British chess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without two towers.
Your mama so fat, when she put a leg in the car, the wheels deflated.
Son: Why is my sister’s name Paris?
Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.
Son: Thanks, Dad.
Dad: No problem, Quarantine.