INS jokes
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of socks? In case he got a hole in one!
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.
Comment if u liked the picture of Gwen in her "Bra."
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.
The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.
The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.
The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."
This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."
Dad: "I'll be back in a minute."
20 years later
Orphan: "Dad?"
In the realm of words, where thoughts take flight, A curious tale, strange as the night, Of Alex Fisher, with love so bizarre, For random Hitler lemons, bizarre but bizarre.
Free Verse, they say, this poem shall be, Unrestrained, unrhymed, flowing and free, Yet how to capture this perplexing love, For lemons and Hitler, soaring above?
Alex Fisher, a soul with peculiar taste, Finds joy in lemons with a sour embrace, And Hitler, a name that evokes dark pain, Inexplicably entwined, like wind and rain.
Randomness, the thread that weaves this tale, No logic, no reason, no rhyme to prevail, For who could fathom this peculiar love, Of lemons and Hitler, below and above?
Yet in the realm of words, where all is allowed, We explore the uncharted, the strange and the proud, And though this poem may bewilder and confuse, Let it remind us, acceptance we must choose.
For love knows no boundaries, no norms to abide, It transcends our expectations, with no need to hide, So let us embrace the quirks that make us unique, For in the tapestry of life, we find what we seek.
So here's to Alex Fisher, with love all their own, May they find happiness, wherever they've flown, In lemons and Hitler, a world so absurd, May their love be a reminder, that love has no words.
She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.
New degree plans announced by Cornell University:
- Frat Studies, includes classes in acquiring ketamine and arranging threesomes with your homeboy and some random girl.
- Sorority Studies, includes classes in oral sex, binge drinking, and bullshitting after the fact.
- Consent Theory, teaches the new generation that "Yes" means "No" and your problems can all be solved by regretting your own poor decision-making (the shop's still open btw).
What happens when Stephen Hawking wakes up from his sleep?
"Log in."
We were discussing cows in a lesson. I asked my teacher why she was one.
Your mom was born in a dumpster, as well as you.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
I still can’t forget that tiny little dead fish in my blue lunchbox.
What is the fastest cake in the world?
Scone.
This place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers.
Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common?
They both hang from the tree.
I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.
That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!
The "W" in Africa stands for water.