INS jokes
A fat man coming in the store.
Waiter: Oh god, not again :|
Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.
Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?
Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?
Why does the pancake team in baseball always win? Because they have the best batter.
A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.
What’s the difference between masturbation and brain damage?
After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
Why did the rapper always carry a map?
Because he was afraid of getting LOST in the BARS.
When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
But then why was 10 scared? Because it was in between 9 and 11.
Why do pedophiles come in last place for every race... because they are always in the back (if you know what I mean)?
Someone in the Twin Towers ordered two pizzas, plane?
Five people went to a store and asked for a menu. The waitress said, "I will be right back."
A friend warned me that if I voted for Goldwater in 1964, we'd end up bombing North Viet Nam.
Well, I voted for him anyway, and sure enough, we ended up bombing North Viet Nam.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.
The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"
The man said, "My wife does!"
What do an orphan's parents and the Predator have in common?
They are both invisible.
Why is NASA so sus?
'Cause they wanted to see Uranus.
How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.
Why are planes the fastest readers? Because they went through 100 stories in 20 seconds.
"I got that dawg in me," said the Asian men after lunch.
So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.