INS jokes
One day I caught my sister talking to my girlfriend, and she said, "You never told me you're lesbian." I said, "No, not at all." My girlfriend asked, "Why did you not tell her?" and I said, "Because every time I bring a girl home, I hear too much noise in her room, and I never get the chance to kiss them because she's cleaning the trash." She said, "Yeah, the trash is her junk."
Why do vegans hate sex?
They don't want to say they had a meat in 'em.
One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"
How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?
Take off the wheels!
What does a kite and a criminal have in common?
They both get high.
Who does Adolph Hitler call in an emergency?
Nein, nein, nein!
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.
Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.
Falco: Wat...
"In my opinion, JFK was the best president."
"Why?"
"He was very open-minded!"
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
What type of teacher doesn't fart in public?
A private tutor/tooter.
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
Hi guys! Ello here! So I am determined to get as many people as possible to like my jokes and comment. So, without further ado, here goes nothing!
So I have been looking at all your jokes, and UHHHHHH has not been the nicest. I don't really love the words she is choosing, but I'm not going to let her get in my head. :)
So guys make sure that you like and comment! Love y'all!!!!! :D
What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?
They will never grow up.
Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!
So I was just chilling in the World Trade Center, and I got airplane Wi-Fi. I wonder why....
I took out my mother-in-law, being a sniper, I'd fun.