INS jokes

Do you know the F in "orphan" stands for family?

There is no F in "orphan".

Exactly.

I like my wine like my women:

16 and in my basement.

Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.

I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.

My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.

Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach in a blue dress, everyone screamed "tsunami!"

Sippin' on promethazine With lean, I fell in love.

I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup. I can't put down the cup.

What do you call a man in a wheelchair with no legs?

Geo dude.

Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”

Person 2: “Seven.”

Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”

Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”

(Based on an encounter I had recently)

Yo mama so fat that she was the float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade with Kermit the Frog!

Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.

Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.

Your gene pool is so shallow, you could break your neck diving in.

Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.

Kris looks like a Neanderthal. The only difference is that Neanderthals serve a purpose in HUMAN HISTORY.

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

I'm reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can FEEL it!

If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......

Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga

YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

Voting is like doing a group project in school.

I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.

His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.