INS jokes
Kris looks like a Neanderthal. The only difference is that Neanderthals serve a purpose in HUMAN HISTORY.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.
Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."
Voting is like doing a group project in school.
I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one!
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
Yo mama so fat that she was the float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade with Kermit the Frog!
What do you call a terrorist in a bathtub?
Bathbomb.
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
What do depressed teenagers and fruits have in common?
They both hang by something.
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
Why were the World Trade Center so mad? Because they ordered 3 pizzas, but 2 came in plane and 1 went to the wrong address.
What do Ben 10 and a disabled kid have in common? They both slap their wrist.
What do iPhones and the Titanic have in common?
There's no Jack!
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
"Halloumi, who's the tastiest of them all?"
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...
Hi guys, I am Logan Taub the toad. I just want to say that my cock is so, so, so tiny. It could fit 50 times in the crack of my butt chin!!!!! Also, I am trans👍