INS jokes

Where do polar bears keep their money?

In a snowbank!

My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:

Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!

No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.

You know how you mine and craft in Minecraft, and you chat in VR in VR Chat, but what do you do in Alabama?

When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?

"Put it in my bill."

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.

What happens when skeletons score points in a game?

They get a bone-us.

What's fun to search for in investigation?

The Milky Way!

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.

What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?

Put them in a barking lot!

If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?

Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Lettuce in.

Lettuce in who?

Lettuce in, it's cold out here!

I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.

I got stuck in the dryer again. Brother, say less.

What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?

"I wanna sock in the eye so bad!"