INS jokes
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing.
Heaven is like university: no one gets in.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?
They both live long with dry skin.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
I was high in high school, but not as high as the people jumping from the buildings.
I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.
Student: It's hot in here.
Teacher: That's because I'm in here.
Yo momma's so fat, when she gets in a monster truck, it turns into a lowrider.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
What do dropouts and Boeing 767s have in common?
They crash and burn.
Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.
What do guns and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
All these 9/11 jokes need to stop.
My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loves: flying planes.
When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.
One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.
(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.
Your hairline is so deep that we measure it in metres.