INS jokes

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

What do you call a cow in a moving van?

A: A mooving cow.

John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.

Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.

They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

Hi guys, so today I am going to do another blog. It's just for fun, and yeah. Enjoy!

So, this morning, when I woke up, I heard that I was getting new grips. I was so excited. (In case you guys don't know what grips are, they are sort of like gloves that go on your hands and they are for gymnastics bars.) I was excited because my old grips don't fit me anymore and my coach was like, "Oh I can get you some new ones since we have a meet in a week." And so I was like, "Oh, that's fine. My parents ordered me some. Thank you though." And she was like, "Okay, that's fine. Just make sure you have them by next week." So long story short, I have new grips now.

Why did hockey wookie slap kissing Missy in the face? Because Huggy didn't get a kissy from Kissy Missy.

What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

They're both turned on by kids.

Everything I fall in love with leaves me. Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

Why can't emos stand in chairs?

Because they never get down.

What do British politics and transgender people have in common?

Both aren't what they used to be...

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

A guy once went hunting at a hunting ranch. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in the rancher’s living room. There they were having a grand ole time then the rancher’s wife walks in. The hunter says, “That’s a nice piece of ass you got yourself there.” The rancher replied with a harsh, raspy Southern chuckle from years of Marlboro Reds, “You’ve never been so right in your life. Honey, why don’t you show our guest your tits?” She agrees and shows the hunter her plump DD cup breasts.

The hunter says, “Nice.” Then the rancher said, “Show ‘em yer pecker now.” She agreed and whipped out a 13 incher. Dazed and confused, the hunter says, “What in Sam Hill is that?!” And the rancher replied, “Now... lemme tell you... there ain’t a thing like it.”

In China, just when you think you know everything... then boooom.

A gay chicken... hahaha.

What is a cow's favorite class in school?

Moosic.

Are you a gun, because I would be your bullets because I love going in children.

Rape jokes aren’t funny!!! And definitely not something to joke about, what’s wrong with ppl, like seriously what a world we live in. This is sick!