INS jokes
There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.
They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)
I was sitting in class when my teacher said, "Have any questions?" the suspended Class clown said, "Who's Joe?" So the teacher said, "Joe who?" So the clown said, "Joe Mama!" So I said, "What in the BALLS?" So I ended up staying in detention with the clown, ah, so cozy!
Why were the cows so noisy in the barn?
Because they had horns!
lol so so so true
So I found out a rainbow is basically where a guy ejaculates in a female's mouth and she swallows her period juice and they both kiss each other, swishing it together in each other's mouth, and it forms a rainbow.
And a strawberry shortcake is basically where a dude ejaculates on a female's face and then punches her in the nose, causing her to bleed. That's why it's called a strawberry shortcake.
What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?
When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.
What do you call a person with an "a" in their autism?
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.
Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.
It's the 1940s.
The chink was counting his shillings. The chink was bitching. His wife got raped in Nanking. The chink counts his shillings.
The chink gets sook chinged!
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
What do Evil Knievel and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have skidmarks on their helmets.
So we all know why 6 was afraid of 7, because 7 ate 9, but why was 10 scared? It was in between 9/11.
I was in cooking class and my teacher said, "Does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?"
Me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.
Long story short, the teacher understood the joke, and now we are both in daily therapy. 😭💀
Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."
Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"
If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favorite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?