INS jokes
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"
What does an orphan and a dog have in common?
Both got taken from their parents.
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he can’t sniff their hair.
A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.
Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.
The French: "But how did you do it?"
The Italian: "I killed one."
The German: "So what?"
The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
Okay, I'm going to be sharing a story that I never shared before... Look in the chat to see the whole story.
Why do toy bears have small eyes?
Because they were made in China.
I kicked a soccer ball at a kid in a wheelchair and said, "Rocket League!"
One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.
The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"
The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
Here is a dark joke for you guys... "Why do pornstars scream, "DADDY!" in their videos? Because they were child molested by their father!"
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA? Because they weren't wanted.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
Joe: What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
Ben: I don't know.
Joe: They both look good until they hit the ice.
Yo mama is so fat, she was the iceberg in Titanic.
Once upon a time, a donkey was in the jungle. Suddenly, he found a lion costume and then wore it. Then he walked around the forest, and every animal was scared of him. Then he got to the city, and every human was away from him. He was chasing them when he was chasing his owner. He brayed, and then they figured out that this was not a real lion, and then he told everybody about it. Then he berated his donkey.