INS jokes
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Redundant.
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
Stephen Hawking went bankrupt after he found out somebody in his house was costing him way too much money on electricity bills.
He just couldn’t figure out who.
What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."
Why did half of the world not see Avengers: Endgame?
Because half of them were Thanos snapped in Avengers: Infinity War.
My version of the Roses are Red Poem in MW3:
I thought Soap could trust you. And so did I too. So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!
We don't got sluts in the South, we got NATS: Nasty Ass Traveling Sluts.
I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.
Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relieved. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. "Nitrogen!" The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good night.”
Why didn't the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn't in it!
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
He was stuck in the crack.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it was stuck in a crack.
What do you call a Muslim in a swimming pool? A bath bomb.
Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.
Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.
What are intelligent people in the US called?
"Tourist."
I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"