INS jokes

You got no lotion to masturbate, then you remember there's some leftover porridge in the fridge. 😌🤎😇

So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ my titties, and then I felt a shoe get shoved all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE’S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched, and got smacked in the face. Went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF r u starin at," I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I though this this isnt over motherfucker imma find u and kill u next thing i new i was in the hospital they told me why tf were u fighting a stops sign? I said what u were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign i sad bitchi aint crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka

In prison, they called me sweet cheeks.

2001, Angry Birds was so amazing. Over 500 people in 2 birds.

Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?

Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.

In Africa, in every 60 seconds, a minute passes.

You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.

What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"

The other day I was in the park and got bored, so I found an orphan and punched him in the face, laughed at him, and said, "Whatcha gonna do, tell your parents?"

Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.

Yo momma so fat, whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in!

Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?

Because you cannot break the ice.

What was the favorite game in 2001? Flight simulator.

What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common They both get laid by Mexicans

Why haven't they put Stephen Hawking in charge yet?

Having cockroaches in the house is a sign that you've food.

These things are like Ugandan girls, they hate poverty.

What did Ron put in his diary?

I "Her-mio-ne" after I banged her last night.

What's a rapist's fav position?

Missionary in a dark corner.

What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?

Mashed potatoes.

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.