INS jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, there are kids in my basement, you'll be there soon.
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?
*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*
A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"
The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."
The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
Wouldn’t the person be dead before the strangling starts? Unless Alastor did surgery?
What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?
Both of them are just full of shit.
What do Black people and chains have in common? Both work better with chains on them?
What do a tank and a warship have in common?
They're overweight.
In my free time, I like to help blind people.
Verb, not adjective.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she was in a wheelchair! 🤣🤣
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
It didn't want to get stuck in any more cracks!
My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?
$2 billion and high cholesterol.
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
What has four legs and an arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"
My dad died in 9/11. He was a Muslim pilot.