INS jokes
What do women and peanut butter have in common?
They're both easy to spread.
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
Hey girl, are you a wizard? Because you cast lit in my Final Fantasy!
How did two retarded people get ran over in one second?
They're my friends.
What do you call emos that live in the Bahamas?
Tropical depressions.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Both can't see their parents.
What do guns and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
What does the starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?
Answer: They both circle Ur-Anus looking for Kling-Ons!
My boss had the heart of a child.
In a jar. On his desk.
Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy, but in the end, Jack got a face full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.
Like this if you are in foster care.
What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?
They both live long with dry skin.
Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.