INS jokes
Some guy: making a sandwich.
Me: *rages* to put the ham in!
How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.
What do you call a male prostitute in a bar...
Handy Andy.
A man walks in to the doctor.
He says, "Doctor, I need a new butt. Mine has a crack in it."
Doctor: How many times do I have to tell you!!!
In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.
Fucking America my ass, INDIA FOR LIFE!!!! 💩🦶🍲🪔
What do peanut butter and a prostitute's legs have in common?
They’re both easy to spread.
An Irishman walks into a pub.
What do you call an animal in space? Just death because you need a spacesuit.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
I like wine how I like my woman.
4 year old locked in a basement.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
What did the blind man fight in the bar?
The coat rack.
I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.
Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.
What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?
Bruno Mars.
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
Other person: Yes.
Sorry, I'm still working on it! 😅
My friend said, "Dude, if you don't put your desk in line with the column, you're gay." So he did it, and I said, "Well, I guess now he's straight." ;D
I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭
A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.
Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.