INS jokes
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
What do you call it when school starts in Africa?
Black to school.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
What do strippers and butter have in common?
Both spread for bread.
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!
Yo mama so fat, her cheeks are in different time zones.
Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?
One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.
What in the world jumps the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.
Are you a school? 'Cause I wanna shoot kids in you.
What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.
I don't need a punchline. Karens are the only joke I need.
Draco Malfoy had a wand fight in the bathroom.
What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?
They both have torn rotators.
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield