INS jokes
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
What's the difference between a black Jew and a white Jew?
The black Jew sits in the back of the oven.
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
A boy asks a zookeeper, "Why is there a baguette in a cage?"
The zookeeper says, "It's bread in captivity!"
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
In the words of Kerk Cobane: "Check this sweet no scope!"
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
Why do musicians in New Orleans smell so good?
Because they're jasmine (jazz men)!
What’s the point in a cow going to the cinema? To be a-moo-sed!
What is illegal in Africa? Water guns.
My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"