INS jokes

Twin

    • One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).

    My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.

    Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.

  • 1

    • IKEA

    • The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.

    He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

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    • INS memes

    Lab

    • Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.

    Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.

    In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.

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    • Suicide

    • When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.

  • 1

    • Priest

    • What's similar between McDonald's and priests?

    They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

  • 0

    • Girlfriend

    • My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.

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    • Suicide

    • Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?

    Grandpa

    • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like all the passengers on the plane he was flying.

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    • Stephen Hawking

    • Stephen Hawking drove too far from the wall and unplugged.

    He also forgot to pay the power bill.

    If you replaced the boss in Portal with a boy, you would hear Stephen Hawking.

    Titty

    • So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"

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    • Wood

    • How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."