INS jokes
Do you like pudding? Pudding deez nuts in your mouth!
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
Do you know Candice?
Nope.
Candice dick fit in your mouth.
Today we had a test on September 11th in school. I got a 9/11.
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
The F in orphans stands for family...
The S in America stands for safe.
What do you call a cow in the snow?
Chilli Beef.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
Everybody was kung flu dying.
It traveled as fast as lightning.
2020 was expert timing.
In fact, it was a little bit frightening.
(demons in my head) I laugh to meet them...
What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?
Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.
What happens when you are playing Undertale, but it's snowy in town? It SNOWED in town!