INS jokes
F in orphan means family.
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"
Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"
Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."
Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"
Husband: "Gold, of course!"
Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
Here’s another joke my friend told me.
What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.
What do the Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common?
Icy dead people.
Yo mama so fat, she fell in love with a skinny dude and tried to hug him but crushed him.
What do your underwear and the Starship Enterprise have in common?
They are both concerned about “Klingons near your anus”.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a hostage?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.
A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?
Because his mom and dad are in every episode!
Did you just fart a minute ago in the dumpster? I can tell you probably had a mud burrito for breakfast.
A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.
The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."
The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"
What do feminists and tampons have in common?
They're both stuck-up cunts.
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
What does a kite and a criminal have in common?
They both get high.
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
The last names after marriage!
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!