INS jokes
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims because they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds. 😂
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."
Why can’t Michael Jackson win a race?
Because he’s always coming in a lil’ behind.
Why does an orphan always get out in baseball?
Because he can't run home.
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
"Popcorn" means "Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany."
"HO" means a woman, in particular one who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based sex encountered a lot in a nazi camp.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
I pushed the kid in a wheelchair into fire... I called him "HOT WHEELS".
What's a benefit of being an orphan? The chips always come in a family size :)
What do orphans call a family photo? A selfie.
You know what orphans and Batman have in common? They'll both never see their parents again.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the kitchen?
Because he kept dropping the BEETS!
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.
Can bees fly in the rain?
Not if they don't have their yellow jackets!
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife is dead.
I breathe in African food.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and then you remember there are no speed bumps.