INS jokes
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.
A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
Gas is expensive nowadays.
In the 1940s, they got it for free.
What do women and KFC have in common?
After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.
The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.