INS jokes
I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.
But I got seven Up.
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
What does a pizza man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both scrape the cheese out of the box for a nice snack.
What’s harder than steel?
Michael Jackson in a playground.
Why did the teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't get even.
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
You really put the R in special.
What do you call a fart in a gay bar?
A mating call.
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."
Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
When you're watching a 9/11 documentary, that one kid in your class finds the 97th Jenga block and knocks it down.
A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!”
He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!”
He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”
“No, this is the rink manager!”
What do you call a baby in an elevator?
Lubrication.
Hey, I just wanna be in bed. I just wanna stay ahead. I just feel like I am dead, And I like that color red. Hey, I am not the big fat loser, And you're just a big accuser, You user and excuser.
Say this to you sister, toxic BF, anyone :)
Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"
Way down South: "You awake, mom?"
Yo' mama is so stupid, she couldn't find a needle in a haystack.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they are all crying in a dark corner.
Why did the octopus 🐙 beat the shark in a fight?
Because he was well armed!