INS jokes
What you breathe in is called oxygen, otherwise known as, "African food".
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins.
I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
What goes 200 mph and is red?
Babies in a blender.
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )
Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair that you push in a fire? Hot Wheels.