INS jokes
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar.
Oh, is that how he ended up in a wheelchair?
What do Humpty Dumpty and Ace from KISS have in common?
They both had a great fall.
Why did Sally stay in school?
Because she has no arms, she can’t open the door, and the teacher left!
Yo mama is so nasty that she sucked your dad's dick and came in to kiss you goodnight.
What do pedophiles and guitars have in common?
They both fingered A minor.
What does a kid at Epstein Island and MAGA supporters have in common?
They both can't get Trump's dick out of their mouth.
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."
Q. What do iPads and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
A. Kids turn them on.
I forgot to tell Alicia I saw her mom a couple days ago.
In a porn video!
Oliver Tree just died in a helicopter crash?
He doesn't have to worry about that because, according to him, life goes onionionionionionionionionionion.
What did Michael say to the boy in his room at sleepovers?
"You are not alone."
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't toot when you put meat in it.
Why is it so hard to play hide-and-seek in an orphanage?
Because nobody is looking for them.
You want to know how to spot a foster kid?
Them carrying their whole life in a Hefty trash bag.
What do you and Quasimodo have in common?
You're both hideously ugly and hide in the dark.
What do Woody and Hitler have in common?
Their bodies go limp before they get caught.
Your taste in men is like my taste in humor: dark.
Why do white people get abducted by aliens?
Because they're easier to see in the dark.
I think I was a little too harsh on Jason.
Anybody who was conceived in the back of a pickup truck during a family reunion is bound to have a few issues.
Q: What do hookers and kittens have in common?
A: They both get dumped on deserted back roads.
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."