INS jokes
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with David Beckham?
They both dribble.
What do black people and sports cars have in common?
Getting a noise complaint for being so loud.
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
Why can’t Kurt Cobain ride in the passenger seat?
Because he doesn’t like when someone calls "shotgun!"
I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. I was sitting in the back of the movie theater, where no one was. Suddenly, she was sitting in front of me with some guy she was hugging. I was furious. I couldn't stay there anymore, so her friend and I had to finish it in the toilet.
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar.
Oh, is that how he ended up in a wheelchair?
What do Humpty Dumpty and Ace from KISS have in common?
They both had a great fall.
Why did Sally stay in school?
Because she has no arms, she can’t open the door, and the teacher left!
Yo mama is so nasty that she sucked your dad's dick and came in to kiss you goodnight.
What do pedophiles and guitars have in common?
They both fingered A minor.
I saw a Down syndrome kid waving at me today, but there's no way I'm swimming all the way over there to save him.
"Eugheugh," said the boy.
What does a kid at Epstein Island and MAGA supporters have in common?
They both can't get Trump's dick out of their mouth.
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."
Q. What do iPads and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
A. Kids turn them on.
I forgot to tell Alicia I saw her mom a couple days ago.
In a porn video!
Oliver Tree just died in a helicopter crash?
He doesn't have to worry about that because, according to him, life goes onionionionionionionionionionion.
What did Michael say to the boy in his room at sleepovers?
"You are not alone."
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't toot when you put meat in it.
Why is it so hard to play hide-and-seek in an orphanage?
Because nobody is looking for them.
You want to know how to spot a foster kid?
Them carrying their whole life in a Hefty trash bag.
What do you and Quasimodo have in common?
You're both hideously ugly and hide in the dark.